Famous Sayings of The Famous Tick

The Tick vs. The Idea Men

"Ladies and gentlemen, you might want to shield yourselves with your desert menus, I might be dangerous!"-introducing himself to the superhero convention

"Destiny's powerful hand has made the bed of my future and it's up to me to lie in it. I am destined to be a superhero, to right wrongs and pound two-fisted justice into the hearts of evil-doers everywhere. You don't fight destiny, no sir! And you don't eat crackers in the bed of your future or you get all...scratchy. Hey, I'm narrating here!"-pondering his new role as the defender of The City

"The City...my The City"-upon arriving at The City

"City, it is I, the Tick, your destined defender...show me where it hurts!"-upon arriving at The City

"You're not going crazy, you're going sane in a crazy world!"-reassuring his sidekick Arthur's misgivings

"My goodness, I'm a walking time-bomb!"-after getting his hand stuck in an explosive device

"And so, may evil beware and may good dress warmly and eat lots of fresh vegetables."-endnote

The Tick vs. Dinosaur Neil

"Well, once again my friend, we find that science is a two-headed beast. One head is nice, it gives us aspirin and other modern conveniences,...but the other head of science is bad! Oh beware the other head of science, Arthur, it bites!"-endnote

The Tick vs. Chairface Chippendale

"The Tick caters to no man!"-when told that he would have to dress up as a caterer to sneak into Chairface's party.

The Tick vs. Mr. Mental

"The night is young and we have umbrellas in our drinks."-trying to get Arthur to relax on their night off

"A day job...in an office? My worst nightmare!"-experiencing his deepest fears

"The human mind is a dangerous plaything, boys. When it's used for evil, watch out! But when it's used for good, then things are much nicer."-endnote

The Tick vs. The Breadmaster

"Egad! A crumb, an errant particle? I am besmirched!"-being told by Arthur about a bit of yuck on his face

"Yeast Devil! Back to the oven that baked you!"-fighting back one of the Breadmaster's bread bombs

"Not baked goods, professor, baked bads!"-describing the various devices of the Breadmaster

"When he gets to the sugar, he'll find the bitter taste of justice!"-laying out a trap "Your culinary crimewave has just crashed against the shores of justice!"-confronting the Breadmaster

"Chef of chicanery! Your buns are mine!"-chasing the villain

"Let us not forget the lesson that we can learn from this, Arthur, that man was not meant to tamper with the four basic food groups"-endnote

The Tick vs. El Seed

"I hate broccoli, and yet, in a certain sense, I am broccoli."-after starting to show the effects of being sprayed with the vegetation vitalizer

"Life is a big wild crazy tossed salad, but you don't eat it, no sir! You live it! Isn't it great?"-endnote

The Tick vs. The Uncommon Cold

"Mucous, the scourge of mankind"-after a sneeze

Thrakkorzog and The Tick fighting about the pronunciation of Thrakkorzog's name:
Thrak: "Listen, buddy.. for the last time, it's.."
Tick: "Four acts in a bog?"
"Thrakkorzog!"
"Ahh.. laxative log."
"No, no no.."
"Lapplander zog?"
"No.."
"Four yaks and a dog!"
"Thrakk..."
"Sapsucker frog!?"
"No no NO!"
"Ahem.. Susan?"

"So foul gelatin, you would do battle with the nose of your birth?"-confronting his clone made from his mucous

"Mucal invader, is there no end to your oozing?!"-during battle with his clone

"I don't know the meaning of the word surrender! I mean, I know it, I'm not dumb...just not in this context."-when given the option to surrender by Thrakkorzog

"Waitasecond! Smells like...ambush!"-during battle

The Tick vs. Pineapple Pokopo

"Let's hang ten for justice!"-surfing battlecry

"You know gang, when you're a superhero, you never know where the day will take you. You may find yourself halfway around the world in the shark-infested waters of true-to-life living. Or you may find yourself going down to the store for a lozenge. You can't know, can you? No! You gotta ride that wave, You gotta suck that lozenge! Cause if you don't, who will?"-endnote

The Tick vs. The Mole-Men

"Ah savory cheese puffs, made inedible by time and fate"-during spring cleaning

"I'm the doing laundry!"-overjoyed by simple pleasures

"I won't hesitate to forsake species for combat!"-confronted by a metallic machine with arachnid characteristics

"Supermodels usually don't date guys who live in the dirt."-trying to deter the mole king from hitting on a surface girl

"Hey, you're the guy who made my head hot! Well, you're not going to make my friend's heads hot!"-confronting the lava-man

The Tick vs. The Proto-Clown

"It's starting to smell a little like danger in here, , or heavily fried food."-visiting the evacuated diner

"Oh what a goofy work is man!"-The Tick's mind, waxing philosophic

The Tick vs. Arthur's Bank Account

"Yes, destiny has her hand on my back, and she's pushing!"-describing his obligation to fight the Terror

"Evil, chum, is ever green!"-explaining to Arthur how the Terror, an evil-doer who first appeared in 1903 can still be causing trouble in 1995

"Not in the face, not in the face!"-Arthur's battle-cry

"Spooooooooooon!"-The Tick's battle-cry!

"Yes, evil comes in many forms, whether it be a man-eating cow or Joseph Stalin, but you can't let the package hide the pudding! Evil is just plain bad! You don't cotton to it. You gotta smack it in the nose with the rolled-up newspaper of goodness! Bad dog! Bad dog!"-same speech

"On justice and on friendship, there is no price, but there are established credit limits."-endnote

And now some Tickisms from the Comic book series

Karma Tornado #6

"This city has a heart that's as big and grimy as all outdoors!" --In response to what he perceives as a homeless advocate

"Say what you will about me! I comprehend very little of it anyway! But Arthur is harmless and huggable! And -- by gosh! -- that's what America is all about!" --When protestors attack Arthur

"Look out world! I'm full of Tang!" --It would take too long to explain

"Hmm.. single syllables. A formidable opponent." --When confronted by Filibuster, a huge gorilla-like thing

Karma Tornado #10

"Ah, the rural midwest.. home-cooked meals, amber waves of grain, inbreeding... on to the heart of America!" --On being in Kentucky

Tick #1

"Destiny is a funny thing. Once I thought I was destined to become Emperor of Greenland, sole monarch over its 52,000 inhabitants." --Thoughtful as he leaps from building to building

"Maybe I could fly around the earth at unheard of speeds and reverse time. No, I did that last week. Damn." --Clark, late for a meeting with Perry

Tick #3

"Ninjas can breathe underwater! They can dodge bullets at point blank range! They can walk up the sides of buildings! They can install telephones!!" --Amazed at what he's reading

"I thought they just hung around airports and got sucked up into jet engines." --On ninjas

Tick #5

"I welcome you to share in my Cheez Doodles and machine urine!" --Paul, enlisting the Tick's help at the airport

"My god! I have pockets!!!" --The Tick makes a discovery

Tick #7

"This is GRAVENESS. But let me be coherent for a moment." --Holding forth his clown pez after Angus reports the theft of a super weapon

Tick #8

"I can understand your amazement, Arthur. But believe me, the novelty wears off after the first few times." --After being hit my a meteor

"Oh it should be fine... as long as I don't lick it." --On how to avoid the evils that might come with a meteor from outer space

"I am the Tick. Your brother has not done justice to your beauty with his words. You are the spitting image of Thelma from Scooby Doo." --To Arthur's sister, Dot

"I hope they give up soon. I'm running out of municipal property." --After tossing signposts at some naughty spawn

"Wicked men! Cease your antics, or I may be forced to assault you with the US Postal System!" --Fair warning, standing next to a mailbox

Paul The Samurai #10

"Could frozen yogurt -- that tasty yet nutricious foodlike product -- be a key to our triumph?" --A contemplative Tick digresses

"These ninja clothes are itchy. No wonder they're so mean." --In disguise

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