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Joshua's Page |
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Joshua's Page |
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Mommy and very happy baby. (Jan 2000) |
[What's new with Joshua]
[Adoption Story]
[Latest Photos]
[Archived Photos]
Josh is 8 months old as of June 8, 2000. Our future sumo wrestler is now over 22 pounds and 27 inches long. It is hard to believe how much he has grown up in such a short time. He's heavy enough now that Mom strained a ligament in her arm picking him up all the time. She says all the good loving makes it worth it though even if his kisses are still pretty slobbery. He's sitting up on his own and rolling all over everything. We expect him to start crawling any day now, and he's gotten to the point where he can pull himself up on the edge of the crib and start knocking things off the nightstand. Needless to say, we've begun a crash course of baby-proofing the house in preparation for his imminent mobility.
Our darling son has the cutest, toothless smile but he has started drooling and teething to try to fill it in. When he laughs you can hear him all over the house/church/resturant. :-) Oh boy, does the kid have pair of lungs on him! He loves to sing even if he does only know one sound and one note. (That's okay cause Mom has gotten by all her life on just two notes.) His (unpredictable) vocal aptitudes have prompted us to send him to the nursery during church. His newest fun thing to do is touch a kitty. He just giggles and shreiks with excitement everytime any fur touches any part of his body. The cats can't make out what it all means.
We did have one scare this Spring. In February we found ourselves visiting the local emergency room one late Saturday night. Josh's bad cold moved into his lungs and he was diagnosed with RSV broncholitis (viral infection affecting the smaller airways in the lungs). Mom and Josh ended up being quarentined for a month because Josh was too infectious to be around other kids. And a new technology came to the Self household with the addition of Josh's nebulizer (breathing treatment machine). Luckily, it was a fairly mild case and he caught it at the end of the season so there were no relapses. Mom survived the quarentine and baby is doing fine now.
There are a few big events ahead for Joshua. On June 18 he will be the star at our church for his dedication, to be held at St. Andrews Christian Church here in Dallas. You may or may not know that until now, we have been temporary guardians of Joshua, appointed by Catholic Counseling Services (our adoption agency). We have just finished the last of our required visits with Catholic Counseling Services and the court has set a date to have the adoption finalized. On June 22, 2000, the judge will declare Joshua Lee Self to be our legally adopted son, and change his birth certificate to his new name and all the other legal stuff.
| Fashion Show Various photos... |
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 "I am Josh-u-lar of the planet Goo-Gah. Take me to your leader!" |
 Number 427 of the "Mom puts silly things on baby's head" photo series... |
 The family plays dress-up. |
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 The ferocious (snoring) dragon gets ready for his first halloween. |
 A last picture at the old family homestead. |
 Mommy takes a picture on a cold spring day. |
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| Miscellaneous photos, 4-7 months old Various photos... |
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 Out and about at the Texas Storytelling Festival. |
 Happy, happy baby! |
 Sleeping peacefully. |
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 Playing at the Dallas Arboretum. |
 Baby's first visit to the emergency room. |
 Someday we will use this picture to blackmail Joshua :). |
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| Miscellaneous shots, Dec. 1999, through Jan 2000 Various photos... |
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 Dressed for wintry weather. |
 The kid's growing! |
 Sporting the famous "loose fitting diaper" designed by daddy... |
 The easy life. |
 All dressed up and no place to go. |
 What the heck was that?!? |
 Mommy and daddy went to the Renaissance Festival. |
 Computer chip off the old block Thanks to aunt Lisa for cool shirt! |
| Sears Photo Center, Dec. 10, 1999 The first of many years of Christmas family photos... |
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 The happy family. |
 Our little angel! |
 A dapper little darling. |
Let this be the official announcement, if you have not yet heard it through other channels: Elizabeth Lee Self and Kevin Lee Self are now the proud parents of a son, Joshua Lee Self, born on October 8, 1999, and adopted into our family on October 29, 1999. Never in our wildest dreams did we imagine our prayers for a child would be answered this quickly. It just goes to show: be careful what you wish for, because you might just get it!
The story starts five(?) years ago, when we began trying to have a child. Lee had reason to believe that it might be difficult for her to conceive, so after a year or so of unsuccessful trying we wasted no time scheduling an appointment with specialists. What followed was the nightmare of infertility treatment: endless trips to the doctor for painful and sometimes humiliating tests (more for Lee than Kevin). After a year and a half, we reached a crossroad. All of the "simple" procedures had failed, and the next step was the even more painful and expensive (>$10,000) treatments. We knew that we couldn't take any more of the emotional roller coaster of the infertility treatments, so we decided to take a year off. We had talked about the pros and cons of adopting versus more drastic measures such as in-vitro fertilization. We even discussed not having children. But our hearts had a missing part that only a child could fill.
Lee had been attending some of the home meetings of an organization called Resolve, a national infertility organization which provides support for couples suffering from infertility. We joined and began attending some of their area meetings, the topics of which alternated between adoption and new techniques for treating infertility. They had a lot of good speakers, talking about everything from surrogate parenting to adoption law. One of the speakers was David Levin of Adoption Made Easy, an organization which provides consultation and education to couples thinking about adopting. We signed up for his counseling sessions which taught us a lot about the adoption process, pitfalls to avoid. We were pleasantly surprised to discover that we already knew a great deal of what he covered in his course from attending Resolve meetings.
Although David Levin does not (and legally cannot) place babies for adoption, he does know an awful lot of people in the business. Among the many adoption agencies he was familiar with, he recommended Catholic Counseling Services of Dallas (CCS). CCS is a wonderful adoption agency with offices here in town, and their fees were on a sliding scale based on your income. They provide birthmothers with lots of counseling before, during and after the birth. CCS helps the birthmothers decide what they want to do (parent or place for adoption) and then support them whatever they choose. For the adoptive parents-to-be they hold support groups and make themselves very available to answer any questions. They just seemed to fit a lot of the things we were lookinf for in an agency, so we gave them a call. We were assigned an adoption caseworker, Sebrena, who patiently guided us through the process. We completed reams of paperwork, medical exams, criminal background checks, and the ominous home study (inspection). One of the most challenging parts of the process, believe it or not, was each writing a personal autobiography. It was a very emotional experience retelling our life stories and why we wanted to adopt a child.
One of the interesting things about CCS is that they encourage open adoptions, in which the adoptive parents and the baby's birthparents are given the opportunity to meet. We thought about it, and realized that some day our child was definitely going to have a lot of questions about his/her birthparents, so we were excited about the possibility of the child being able to get the answers to those questions firsthand.
It was early October 1999 when we finished most of the paperwork and were approved by the agency. We attended our first "waiting parents" meeting on Tuesday, October 19, and at that time we turned in the last of the volumes of documentation, most important of which was our "resume." The resume has a few pictures of the adopting couple, and a few words about what you like/dislike and why you'd make the perfect parents for some little boy or girl. We spent a long time agonizing over it, polishing it until we (hopefully) came off sounding like the most loving, fun parents a child could ever have! At the beginning of the meeting we were allowed to insert the resume into "The Book" which contains all the resumes of all the couples on the waiting list (at that time there were about 10). The meeting covered things to expect, legal stuff, what to do when you meet the birthmother, etc. We came away excited: we had really started down the long road to becoming parents!
Before we go any further, I want you to read a little excerpt from our 1999 holiday (Valentine's Day) newsletter: "According to CCS… it can take on average 12-18 months after being approved before we would be able to bring our little bundle of joy home from the hospital. Being conservative, we might be able to celebrate Christmas with our child in 2000."
Friday?!? What happened to twelve months? We went into panic mode: Wednesday night we made our first real trip to Babies R Us. Totally numbed, we surveyed aisle after aisle of nipples, wet wipe warmers, burp rags, diaper bags, and infant knick-knacks. We grabbed a bunch of stuff, threw it in the cart, and prayed we had "the right stuff." That night, after the raid on Babies R Us, we realized that we had everything we needed, except a name for the baby. Lee had a flash of inspiration and spouted out the name Joshua. (Joshua means "God's Salvation") We both liked it, so without any more discussion, Joshua he would be. We chose Lee for the middle name because it is both Kevin and Lee's middle name and a family name on both sides of the family.
Thursday finally arrived, and we drove to the adoption agency with lumps in our throats the size of grapefruits. What if the birthmother didn't like us? What if there was something wrong with the child? As it turned out, all our fears were for naught. The meeting went wonderfully, and we spent several hours getting to know the birthmother. Although she only speaks Spanish, the agency had an interpreter on hand to help us. The baby had been born October 8, and the birthmother had tried to care for him, but she already had one child was going through some difficult times, and after several days she knew she couldn't take care of him. She contacted CCS to find a foster mother who could care for him temporarily and started the process to find a couple who could make a loving home for her son. After many weeks of looking at the resumes of prospective adoptive parents, she chose us. We hit it off very well with the birthmother at that first meeting; she was very sweet and we shared a lot of stories about growing up. It was obvious from the meeting that she loved the child, and this was a very difficult decision for her. The more we talked, the more we understood that she sincerely wanted the best possible home for her child, and that, most importantly for us, she didn't have any second thoughts about placing the child for adoption.
At the end of the match meeting we had a special treat: the foster mother who had been caring for the baby showed up with the three week-old bundle of joy. We got to hold our precious Joshua for the first time. There was a bit of weeping (okay, more than a bit), and it broke our heart to have to return him to the foster mother, even if it was just for one more day. We told the agency we were surer than ever that this was the child for us. We began making plans with the agency for the placement ceremony, the next day (Friday) morning. We went and immediately started phoning friends and relatives, informing them of our imminent family-hood. We didn't get much sleep that night, as you can imagine.
The placement ceremony the next day was a wonderful, spirit-filled, hour-long event. Unfortunately it was such short notice that none of the family could attend, but we packed the building with lots of friends. The brief event was held in a small chapel at the Catholic Charities office. The ceremony was presided over by a bilingual priest, so the birthmother could feel as involved as we were. It was a very moving event, honoring the child, as well as the three sets of parents (foster mother, birth mother, and adoptive parents.) The most moving part came near the end, when the birthmother gently passed Joshua to us, signifying her trust in us to be his new parents. Much crying commenced at that point, as you can guess. We can't thank our friends and church enough for all their help; they pitched in on short notice, with duties ranging from reading scripture to baking many dozens of cookies. After the ceremony we had a short reception, and then we bundled up our Joshua and headed home, our dream of being a family had finally come true.
Ain't God great?!?
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